Dear My Soon To Be Loyal Readers,

I would like to take this time to introduce myself to you and present my credentials. My name is Filliam H. Muffman, amateur philosopher, giver of advice, and failing Casanova. My goal is to present to you, the loyal reader, with thorough, and thoughtful advice on topics ranging from hang-over cures, to how you explain to your mother you got the clap. But, this will be thorough, thoughtful advice with balls.

You can think of me as Dear Abby, but a Dear Abby who gets roid' rage every now and again. I will provide you, the loyal reader, with the no-holds-barred advice that you desperately crave. I care so much for the loyal reader that I will even provide advice on topics I am completely unqualified to comment on. You got a rash you can't get rid of? Shit, smear some mustard on that sucker, you get the point. There is no question that is too large or complicated for my amazing intellect and insightful wit.

I also hope to provide loyal readers with interesting articles based on my own experience and everyday observation. From these articles one will be able to gain an understanding of my incredible advice giving powers and provide readers with an infallible confidence in myself, Filliam H. Muffman. For now I will leave you to retire to my study and do some blow off one of my many mistresses ample breast.

TO WRITE TO FILLIAM H. MUFFMAN SEND AN E-MAIL TO baconr08@hotmail.com subject line MUFFMAN