Dear Mr. Timberlake,

I know you're upset about everyone making fun of your song SexyBack , but you have to understand that they have valid points. When did sexy ever leave, and how are you so vain that you think you could bring it back if it did? I guess girls never masturbated until Justin Timberlake came along and started lip syncing on stage with his shirt off.

You got so upset about smarter people making fun of you that you wrote comeback lyrics for Timbaland's new song Give It to Me . Your big comeback was, “don't hate on me just because you didn't come up with it”, where have I heard this before? Oh yeah, it was at recess in 3 rd grade. Is your next single titled I'm rubber and you're glue ? Even if this line wasn't used a thousand times by kids who just watch teletubies all day, it isn't a valid point simply because you can use it for anything. If your friend gets a penis tattooed on his forehead and you tell him how horrible that idea was and he says, “You're just mad because you didn't come up with it”, that doesn't make his idea any less stupid.

Stop being so insecure about your image and just stick to doing what you do best, singing mediocre songs to dance beats so girls can act slutty.

Sincerely,

Robert Bacon

Dear Ms. Ferguson,

Stop spelling in your damn songs. You're not fooling anyone, we all know that you barely finished high school and you never won a spelling bee. Why do you feel like you have to act smart?

Everyone thinks that you write some of your songs but I know what is really going on. It's fine that you do it, but just give your Speak and Spell the credit next time. I'm hoping for your next CD you'll pick up a different toy and we'll have a song titled The Cow Says Moo.

Please just stick to what made you so famous to begin with and keep singing songs about lady parts. I mean I get sick of My Humps because every girl thinks that song is about them, even if they don't have humps or their humps are disgusting, but at least I don't feel like I'm in elementary English.

Sincerely,

Robert Bacon

UWcollegelife.com

P.S. You can touch my P-E-N-I-S anytime